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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27793450">Quiet</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForgetmeNot_Fireweed/pseuds/ForgetmeNot_Fireweed'>ForgetmeNot_Fireweed</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Childhood, DYAD, F/M, Force Bond, Growing Up Together, I’ll add tags as I go, Rey keeps the voices away, Voices in Ben’s head, tw child abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 14:54:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>16,999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27793450</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForgetmeNot_Fireweed/pseuds/ForgetmeNot_Fireweed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>12 year old Ben has heard voices his whole life. His mind is always filled with them. His peers think he’s a freak, his parents don’t know how to help him. He’s alone in the galaxy-</p>
<p>Until an unexpected stop on Jakku brings him face to face with a girl he’s only seen in his dreams. She’s alone too, and when she takes his hand the voices stop. </p>
<p>It’s quiet. Maker, Ben loves the quiet. </p>
<p>(Or what happens when Ben finds Rey and the bond is strengthened much, much earlier. I’m rubbish at summaries, sorry guys)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>67</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>177</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello everyone! This fic goes out to everyone who encouraged me to write it over at Reylo fic recs! I hope I can make it live up to your expectations! Without further ado...here’s Quiet (no, Found Family hasn’t been abandoned in favor of this fic, I’ve been working on both at once!)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Don’t tell your mother.” Han sighed as hyperspace finally blurred around them. Chewie let out a growl of disapproval. </p>
<p>“About which part? Where you almost got uncle Chewie killed by pirates? Or the twi’lek who offered to make you a better looking baby than the one you already have?” Ben grumbled from the backseat of the cockpit. He stared at the ever changing lights around him, and shrank down in the seat as far as he could. He was already too big, too lanky, too tall for a twelve year old. The other children thought he was a freak. </p>
<p>“And they’re right, young Solo...nobody cares about you. Not the others, not your parents, not your uncle Skywalker. They fear you...look what you did today…” </p>
<p>“But I had to do that! If I hadn’t pushed them away Uncle Chewie would be dead!” Ben insisted, whispering with his eye closed tight. Han looked to Chewie with wide eyes. </p>
<p>“Ben?” He called, but the boy was stuck in his mind again. Since he’d been a tiny thing, just two or three, he’d mentioned them. The voices in his mind that wouldn’t go away. They’d tried everything to help him, but the nightmares were getting worse, and the voices were getting louder. Leia was terrified, cried herself to sleep at night in Han’s arms whispering “what if he’s like him?” She wanted to send him away to Luke- but Han wasn’t so sure that was for the best. After all, Han might not have wanted children of his own, but when Ben came, he’d promised himself he would do anything to be a good father. To be nothing like his own father. And sending his son away, even to his own uncle… it just hit too close to abandoning him. But he was at his wits end- if there was even a chance that going to Luke’s academy would help Ben, would make the voices stop…</p>
<p>“But you didn’t have to push them so hard or so far, did you boy? You killed them, you know. No one comes back from a knock on the head like that. Your father wouldn’t tell you because he’s afraid...he’s afraid of you and your powers, afraid of what you’ll do when you finally become who you really are, when you fulfill your legacy!” The voice is louder today than usual. It always was after Ben used the force- and maker, he tried not to use it. When he did, his parents pretended to be pleased, but he could see the wariness in their eyes. They were afraid of him in a way they never were of uncle Luke. There was something wrong with him, he knew it. The voices knew it too. </p>
<p>“I didn’t mean to do it. I don’t want to hurt anyone!” He whimpered, screwing his eyes tighter shut and tugging at his hair. </p>
<p>“Ben?!” Han called, more frantic. “Chewie, take the controls!” </p>
<p>“But didn’t you, Boy? Didnt you feel powerful when you sent them flying? And didn’t they deserve it? Yes...there are many who don’t deserve to live, you know it is true..”</p>
<p>“Ben!” Han knelt in the cramped space next to his son’s seat and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him a little. Ben’s eyes opened with a loud cry, and he shrunk away from his father’s touch, curling his knees to his chest and turning away from him. “Son? Talk to me.”</p>
<p>“You don’t understand.” Ben shook his head. </p>
<p>“I’m trying, Ben. Maker, can’t you see I’m trying?!” Han begged, reaching for his hand. Ben jerked away and fisted his hands in his sleeves, covering all the skin he could. </p>
<p>“He thinks you’re a freak, a little monster...he could never understand you. But I do, young Solo. I understand you all too well.” </p>
<p>“Ben, come on!” Han growled under his breath. “Do you hear it right now?” Ben nodded, a tiny motion. At first he’d only heard the voices in his sleep. Just bad dreams, his mother had said. He’d grow out of them, his father said. But as he’d grown, and as he’d grown stronger with the force the voices had followed him from his dreams into his reality. “Kriffing hells, Ben, would you look at me?”</p>
<p>He did. </p>
<p>His father’s eyes were wild and wide, almost frightening in their intensity. The dark hazel eyes were searching his son’s face intently, and Ben couldn’t quite name what he was looking for except…</p>
<p>“He’s searching for the monster in you...For any reason to dump you on the nearest unoccupied system and never look back.” </p>
<p>Ben jerked away again, turning his back on his father. Han let out a heavy sigh, and scrubbed his face with his hands. </p>
<p>“Kid? I…” But whatever words Han was going to say stuck in his throat. </p>
<p>“Hate you…” The voice in Ben’s mind supplied quickly. “Wish you’d never been born.” </p>
<p>“I’m tired.” Ben grumbled, pressing his fists over his ears as if they could keep the words out- as if they could keep the words from being true. But they were true- he knew it. They had to be true- he was bad. Why else did the other children mock him? Why was his mother always in meetings, or at the senate, couldn’t meet his eyes. Why else couldn’t his father tell him he loved him? That he was proud of him? “Did I kill them?” </p>
<p>“What?” Han asked. </p>
<p>“Those pirates I threw against the wall- did I kill them?”  Ben asked. </p>
<p>“No, Ben, you didn’t. Takes more than a hit on the head to kill those Weequays, son. I promise you, they’ll be fine.” Han explained. “And if you hadn’t thrown them back, I would’ve had to get out my blaster to get us out of there. If anything you saved them.” </p>
<p>“He thinks you’re weak...Han Solo would’ve taken them out to protect his friend, and you wouldn’t even try…” Oh, how quickly the voice in his head could change tactics. His father hated him because he’d killed the pirates. His father hated him because he didn’t kill the pirates. Like the throw of a switch, back and forth, back and forth until he didn’t know which was true anymore. </p>
<p>“Why don’t you go to bed, Ben?” Han suggested. </p>
<p>“Why do you want to get rid of me?” Ben snapped. </p>
<p>“You said you were tired, Ben. You can sleep in the chair if you want, but it doesn’t look very comfortable.” </p>
<p>“I could sleep too.” Chewie groaned loudly in his shyriiwook, stretching his good arm out high above his head. “Come on, little cub, let’s head back to the bunks.” </p>
<p>“...Okay.” Ben agreed slowly. He loved his uncle Chewie- and the voice always took a strangely long time to say anything against anything Uncle Chewie said, almost as if it didn’t quite understand what he was saying for a moment- while Ben had spoken shyriiwook from the moment he’d started to speak basic, it certainly wasn’t very common. Chewie and Ben both spoke it with the rapidity and comfort of life long speakers- by the time someone translated what they were saying, they might have moved onto a second or third topic of conversation. Even Han couldn’t communicate with Chewie as fluidly in Shyriiwook as Ben could. </p>
<p>“Old friend, the controls are yours.” Chewie yawned. Han nodded tensely as he rose and took his seat again, his face pale and drawn. Chewie patted his back a bit too hard, but he took it for the comforting gesture it was as he stared blankly over the swirling lights of hyperspace. Han was always good in a fight, he wasn’t squeamish, or gun shy, he didn’t hesitate, he always shot first. But in a fight like this, where something he couldn’t see and couldn’t understand for the life of him was attacking his son, he was utterly helpless, and completely lost. What choice was there but to hand the boy over to Luke, who’d be smug about the whole damn situation, asking why they hadn’t agreed to send Ben for training sooner. </p>
<p>Quite simply, the boy hadn’t wanted to go, and Han was loath to make him. If Ben didn’t want to train with the force, then maybe that was for the best. But whatever- or whoever it was in Ben’s head was leaving them no choice. </p>
<p>Han couldn’t remember the last time that he actually cried, but tears of defeat prickled in the corners of his eyes now. </p>
<p>He was Han Kriffing Solo. He was a legend in the smuggler circles- he was a general in the rebellion! He’d made a princess fall in love with him with nothing to offer her but his charm and wit, and when faced with a wookie who was starving and bloodthirsty, he’d emerged from a mud filled pit with a new best friend. He didn’t die on the streets of Corellia like so many people had told him he would. He was a fighter. A survivor. Some would even go so far as to call him a hero. </p>
<p>BUt as he watched his only son in the reflection of the cockpit window, curled in on himself so small, pale with fear, and bags under his eyes far too dark for any child to have, none of those things mattered. What did it matter if he was a hero if he couldn’t help his own son?<br/>
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..</p>
<p>He dreamed of her again. </p>
<p>Sometimes in his dreams she was a child, his age, her hair in three buns, and laughing so hard that there were crinkles around her bright green eyes. </p>
<p>Other times she was a grown up, much older than he was now, with soft brown hair framing her face, and gentle hands caressing his forehead. He was older in those dreams too, he could tell by how he carried himself, by the way his own body felt, so solid and powerful- not weak and lanky as it was now.  she’s so incredibly beautiful in these dreams, she can’t be anything but an angel- Her skin is golden and covered in patches of dainty freckles- she has a toothy grin underneath petal pink lips, and her laugh, the only sound he ever really hears her make apart from soft breathing, was like music. The sweetest music he’d ever heard. And her hands- they’re so gentle when she touches him, when her hands linger on his face, his shoulders, his hair. Her eyes aren’t fearful or hesitant as she gazes on him. Just tender, comfortable, happy. </p>
<p>And sometimes, like today, she’s a tiny thing, no taller than his leg. She’s dressed in rags, and she coughs as sand flies through the air into her face. She crawls through a dark, small space, searching for something, but when he calls out to ask what it is, his voice is drowned out by the wind. She’s frightened, he thinks, but not because of him. Because it’s dark, and despite the scorching heat of the desert sun, it’s cold so deep into the belly of the giant metal structure she’s crawling through. Because she’s lonely. She trusts no one- the blob that’s supposed to look after her is more likely to beat her than to feed her. It filled his heart with a heavy sense of sadness, seeing his angel suffering like that. </p>
<p>He doesn’t understand these dreams, though they’re a frequent occupant of his mind. Less frequent than the nightmares and terrors the voices bring, but still recurring and confusing. He’s always in such good control of himself when he dreams of her- and he’s not afraid here, when he’s with her. She doesn’t speak to him, and he doesn’t speak to her, but the quiet feels so companionable, so innocent and sweet compared to the roaring in his ears and the voices that haunt him.</p>
<p>He’s free here, in his dreams of the girl. </p>
<p>And he doesn’t even know if she’s really real, or if she’s just a figment of his imagination, his mind’s generous reprieve from the nightmares that now plague him in his sleeping and waking hours. </p>
<p>But sometimes, he swore he could feel her out there, somewhere in the galaxy. It was like an itch somewhere in his brain- it wasn’t ever painful, like the splitting headaches the voices left him with, no, it was like there was a spark plug without a tether in his brain somewhere, always reaching out, trying to find where it was meant to connect. </p>
<p>If he were older, and could fly out across the galaxy on his own, he would try to find her, wherever she was. Just to prove he wasn’t so alone. </p>
<p>Just to prove she wasn’t alone either. </p>
<p>But he wasn’t- and he couldn’t even begin to guess which planet she might be on. Even if he could, how could he explain her to his parents so they’d understand? So they’d know she was really real? Where it was always somewhat comforting when they told him the voices and the bad dreams were just that, dreams, the idea that this girl, his Angel might not actually exist was too much for his heart to take, and that’s what they’d tell him, surely. It was just another dream. But he knew it wasn’t. She was real. She was out there- and she was waiting for him, just as surely as he was waiting for her. </p>
<p>…………………………………...</p>
<p>“Little cub is sleeping now, friend.” Chewie rumbled as he slumped back into the co pilots seat. </p>
<p>“Thought you needed sleep yourself. You should rest, you know?” Han rumbled right back. “Sorry about your arm.” </p>
<p>“I’ve had worse.” They both looked out over the streaks of blue and black outside the window. “You want to send him away.” </p>
<p>“Sending him to his uncle isn’t exactly sending him away- Luke is just...he’s better equipped to handle this sort of thing, all this force mumbo jumbo.” Han shrugged, swallowing the lump in his throat. “He might be able to protect Ben-“</p>
<p>“Might? You’d send away your own cub for “might”?” Chewie prodded at Han’s arm with his good hand. </p>
<p>“What other choice do I have?! Leia wants him there, says it’s the only way to protect him- and I sure as hell can’t protect him! You’ve seen how he gets- he… he’s so strong, but he’s only a child- someone needs to help him and I...I just can’t.” Han’s voice grew small in defeat. Chewie let out a mournful howl, withdrawing his hand. </p>
<p>“He will think you’ve abandoned him. He won’t recover from it.” </p>
<p>“If him hating me is the price we have to pay for his safety- his kriffing sanity, Chewie, what choice do I have?” Han asked honestly. “Luke will take care of him. He loves him too, he wants him to be safe.” </p>
<p>“Luke is not the boys father.” Chewie argued. “Not who the boy needs.” </p>
<p>“Ben needs to strengthen his mental shields. That’s what Luke and Leia are both telling me. It’s all I hear from Leia these days. And if I can’t protect him, I have to do whatever I can to give him his best chance!” Han slammed his fist against the wall. “So why are you making me feel like shit?!”</p>
<p>“I’ve been around much longer than you have. I’ve seen so much pain, and destruction. Too many families torn apart. Too many losses.” Chewie shook his head. “I love little cub as if he were my own cub. He is a sensitive being, loves deeply, hurts deeply. All he wants is family.”</p>
<p>“Luke is family!”</p>
<p>“Luke would be teacher first. Never uncle first again.” Chewie admonished. “Boy doesn’t need teacher. He needs family who will not leave him. He needs friends. He needs father and mother.” </p>
<p>“Chewie.” Han said stiffly. “Enough.” </p>
<p>“I only want to stop you from making mistakes you will regret forever.” Chewie insisted. The conversation was cut short as the alarm sounded, and red lights filled the cockpit. </p>
<p>“You’ve got to be joking!” Han groaned, rising from his seat. He observed the circuit that had shorted out for a moment, and it sparked as he reached to touch it. “Shit! This isn’t good- Chewie, I think we may need to make a quick pit stop!”</p>
<p>“No kidding!” </p>
<p>“What’s the nearest inhabited planet?!” They dropped out of light speed as Chewie manipulated the controls, and Han slid back into his seat. “Jakku?! There’s got to be-“ another burst of sparks showered behind them and Han cringed as he grabbed the controls, and gazed at the golden planet that loomed before them. “Jakku it is then.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello loves! I'm so excited by all of your reactions to this story! I'm trying to do better about replying to comments this time around! This chapter might be the longest one I've ever written in any of my stories, but I didn't really want to break it up. I hope you enjoy!</p>
<p>TRIGGER WARNING: There is a very brief scene of child abuse (Specifically beating) in this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben woke when the Falcon shifted abruptly out of lightspeed, and he untangled himself from the heavy brown blanket, padding barefoot over the cold metal floors until he reached the cockpit. </p>
<p>“Why does it smell like smoke?” He asked with a sniff. </p>
<p>“Because your father waited too long to replace insulation.” Chewie called over his shoulder. “Caught fire, fried wires.” </p>
<p>“Oh.” Ben shrugged as he sat in his usual seat behind his fathers. “Where are we?”</p>
<p>“Jakku.” Han replied dismally. “Jakkuvian’s are a lot of things, but they’re resourceful. Should be able to get what we need to get the falcon fully operational and back into hyperspace in a few standard hours.” </p>
<p>“Jakku? As in the battle of Jakku? The end of the galactic civil war?!” Ben asked excitedly. </p>
<p>“Uh, yeah, Kid. But Don’t get too excited- it’s basically just....” Han broke off as Ben shuffled in his seat to see out the windows as they broke atmosphere. Even from here Ben could see the hulking outlines of fallen star destroyers and at-ats. He stood and leaned forward around his father’s chair to get a better look. Han glanced back at him with a little smile. </p>
<p>As different as his son was to him, he’d always love seeing the way Ben’s brown eyes, so much like Leia’s, lit up when he was talking about galactic history. On a good day Ben could sit curled around his Holo Tablet for hours reading about some historic battle or other- and then he’d want to talk about it for hours too, getting whatever extra inside information his family might have. </p>
<p>“You know, it probably couldn’t hurt to spend a few hours looking at the old wreckage if you wanted to.” Han suggested gruffly. Ben looked at his father with eyes filled with excitement and disbelief that stung Han a little. </p>
<p>“Really? Could we dad?” </p>
<p>“Yeah, sure we can. What have we got to rush for?” Han shrugged, and then Ben smiled- really, truly smiled, showing off the dimples he’d had from the day he was born, and a little piece of Han just melted inside. It felt like it had been ages since he’d seen that smile, and here it was for something as easy as trudging through some sand to see a bit of galactic history. “What do you say Chewie? Up for a little exploring?” </p>
<p>“I stay with the Falcon. Keep watch, Fix problem. You both go, have fun.” Chewie insisted. They landed the ship just outside of the only outpost Han knew existed on the planet- Niima, he believed. </p>
<p>“If you’re sure you won’t come with us-“</p>
<p>“I am sure, friend. You both go. Sand is hard to get out of fur any how.” Chewie laughed, a rumbling noise that reverberated through the metal floors. He ruffled Ben’s hair gently. “You look after your father, little cub. He always is in trouble.” </p>
<p>“Hey!” Han cried indignantly. “I’m not always in trouble!”</p>
<p>“Really dad?” Ben asked, the dubious look in his eyes so much like his mother’s. </p>
<p>“Alright, alright, no need to team up on me now. Besides, I don’t think I’ve ever pissed off anybody from Jakku. I mean, that’s because nobody is really from Jakku, but that’s beside the point.” Han reached for the goggles he kept in a compartment next to his seat, then pulled a spare from the back. “Here kid, this’ll help with the sand.” </p>
<p>“Thanks!” Ben smiled again as he pulled the goggles on so they perched just above his too big ears. Chewie let out a little noise as Han put his on. </p>
<p>“What are you looking at?” Han asked.</p>
<p>“You two look the same.” Chewie observed. Ben wrinkled his nose and shook his head. </p>
<p>“Hey now! What’s so bad about looking like your old man? I got your mother to marry me, didn’t I?” Han asked. </p>
<p>“I don’t look like you. I look...weird.” Ben said softly. </p>
<p>“Who the hell told you that?” Han asked, his hands curling into fists at his sides. Ben was quiet, and stared down at his feet. “You don’t look weird, Ben. You look like a kid who hasn’t grown into his features yet. I looked a lot like that when I was your age.” </p>
<p>“No you didn’t.” Ben scoffed. He knew his father was considered handsome- one of the most handsome men in the galaxy, if the gossip columns in the holo news were any real indication of that sort of thing. He wasn’t at all lanky, or awkward, or scrawny, and Ben couldn’t imagine he’d ever been. </p>
<p>“Did so.” Han insisted. “Giant nose, ears that stuck out too far, giant feet I was always tripping over. The whole package. But I grew up, grew into myself, and turns out having big feet was a good indication of other things being big too.” </p>
<p>“Like what?” Ben asked, his brow furrowing. </p>
<p>“Uh- well- you know, you’ll figure it out on your own one day kid.” Han stammered awkwardly as Chewie started to laugh behind him. “The point I was trying to make is that you don’t look weird, and you shouldn’t believe anyone who tells you otherwise.” </p>
<p>“I can’t help it.” Ben whispered, tapping his forehead pitifully. “It’s so...loud.” </p>
<p>“Right now too?” Han asked with a frown. </p>
<p>“No- actually it’s not so loud at all right now.” Ben said as his face scrunched up in thought. The peace from his dreams of the girl didn’t usually extend so long into consciousness, but just now, any interference from the voices in his head were a dull roar, like the sound the seas made on Mon Cala, but the words themselves were mumbled and muted. It wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t maddening either. </p>
<p>“Well then, let’s go see what’s out there, huh kid?” Han put a hand on his shoulder and was pleasantly surprised when Ben didn’t make any move to shrug him off. </p>
<p>“Yeah! Let’s go dad!” He was smiling, his eyes gleaming behind the tinted goggles he wore as he turned on his heel and raced to go lower the ramp. </p>
<p>“Grab your cantine Kid!” Han called after him, and he heard Ben make a sound in the affirmative. </p>
<p>“I told you, all little cub wants is family.” Chewie said smugly as Han followed after Ben, but not before checking that his blaster was at his hip- he might not have known of anyone he actively had after him lurking on Jakku, but it was better safe than sorry. Especially when he had his son with him- he couldn’t stop the voices in Ben’s mind, but he’d protect him at all costs from any other danger. He grabbed his own cantine and slung it over his shoulder- the last thing they needed was to get dehydrated in the desert heat. He caught up with Ben just as the ramp had finished lowering into the sand below. </p>
<p>“I know you can take care of yourself, kid, but make sure you stay close by, alright? It’s been a long time since I’ve been here, I don’t know what the local flavor is like.” Han insisted. Ben nodded seriously, and they descended the ramp side by side. The heat was intense, but Ben didn’t mind as they headed out together- he pointed immediately to the hulking figure of a fallen at-at in the distance, and then just beyond it was a fallen star destroyer. </p>
<p>“I wonder which one that is.” Ben mused aloud. “They lost seven you know!” </p>
<p>“Yeah, I remember.” Han smiled at his enthusiasm. “I wasn’t here for the battle, but I heard all of the reports.” </p>
<p>“According to the book I read, hundreds of scavengers dig through the wrecks, and sell parts for scrap.” Ben recited. They trudged through the sand side by side, and Ben spouted off facts he’d read. Han caught several of the local scavengers staring at them, a few of them with ill intent in their eyes, but Han didn’t break eye contact with any of them. Some of them started to creep up on the Falcon, but they’d be in for a nasty surprise if they tried to touch her- They’d be more likely to leave minus a few limbs than with any scrap of value. </p>
<p>The further from the Falcon they walked, and the further from the outpost and the huts and scavengers, the more the voices in his head grew frantic, louder, angrier, but still, he could not understand a word they were saying. It was almost discomforting- the voices were always so present and smooth tongued and now, something was making them furious- but it was more than that. Something was making them fuzzy, but Ben couldn’t understand what. His mental shields never seemed to work against them, so it didn’t make sense for them to work now without any extra exertion on his end. </p>
<p>Then he felt the tugging in his mind. That untethered string, that loose spark plug was yanking at him. At first it was a subtle thing, his feet veering from the course that would lead them to the fallen star destroyer to one that led towards the at-at. Then it was stronger, a compulsion almost, as if someone was pushing him there. The voices in his mind were angry with him, and he almost could make out words of warning, telling him to turn away, to turn back. But the hazier voices were easier to ignore, and their warnings made him all the more determined to see what was waiting for him there. </p>
<p>“I want to look there.” Ben said, gesturing. </p>
<p>“The at-at? You’ve been inside one of those already kid, don’t you want to-”</p>
<p>“I need to go there.” Ben insisted, the tug he felt grew stronger with each step. “I have to.” </p>
<p>“Okay, Okay.” Han put his hands up in surrender. “We can start there.” But Ben was no longer listening- His entire mind had shifted, and he needed to get there as quickly as possible. When he finally arrived at the massive thing’s foot, he just stared for a moment. There was something so familiar about the place, like he’d been there a hundred, a thousand times before, though he’d never set foot on this planet once in his life. He scanned the area, and his eyes lingered on the footprints that had been left in the sand. He squatted down to get a closer look; they were tiny footprints in comparison to his own foot, only about half the size of it really. They were the only footprints in the sand aside from his own- and they came from such a small being, to be wandering the desert all alone. He rose to his full height and immediately ducked his head down to go inside the dilapidated structure. He disregarded his father’s call of warning, of wait, and reached around his belt for the small light that was fixed to it. The machinery of the inside was completely gone, and even things like the seats had been taken. It was absolutely gutted, the only thing of any substance inside it were a few meager piles of sand which must have blown in during a storm. He frowned in the near darkness, unable to place why he’d been called here so strongly. His father finally caught up to him and grabbed his shoulders. “Ben, I told you to stay close!” </p>
<p>“I’m sorry, Dad, I just thought I…I thought that I…” He saw them out of the corner of his eye, the little jagged tick marks in the wall. Hundreds of these little tick marks lined the biggest sheet of metal, all in clusters of five. What were they counting? What did they mean? </p>
<p>“Ben?” Han asked, but Ben just shook his head as he approached the wall carefully, as if it was a living thing he could startle. He extended his hand slowly, carefully, and then laid his palm against the flat surface in one Swift movement. </p>
<p>All of the air was drawn from his lungs and his knees felt weak as his vision blurred; he no longer saw his hand upon the wall, but a set of tiny hands with a tiny piece of scrap metal etching one line into the relatively unmarred surface. He saw days, standard weeks, months even pass within a span of seconds- the same little hands, growing more rough and work worn, dropping her bag of scrap metal and parts on the metal floor and adding a tick mark to the growing expanse. Sometimes he can taste the salt of her tears on his tongue, and the hunger, sharp and gnawing at her belly gnaws at his too, but the hunger is nothing compared to the dryness of her throat and the pounding of her head as she shakes an empty bottle, desperate for even the smallest drop of moisture. But nothing is worse than the ache of loneliness that weighs down her tiny shoulders like a millstone. </p>
<p>“They’ll come back.” She whispered into the empty air as she made her third, her twentieth, her fifty fourth tick in the metal. “They’ll come back.” </p>
<p>He saw her trapped inside the belly of the at-at as a sand storm rages outside- she hadn’t made it back to the outpost tonight- and though she’s often alone, she’s never spent the night so completely isolated, so far from another living being. She has no portions, only a few mouthfuls of water and she’s afraid-</p>
<p>But when her green eyes closed as she shivered against the cold of the desert night, she sees the boy from her dreams; He’s thin and tall, so tall she thinks maybe he could touch the scarce clouds that sometimes hang in the Jakku sky. He’s got dark, dark hair and eyes the color of the caf that Plutt drinks- only brighter. Softer. And his smile- she’d never seen a smile like his, so warm and friendly and kind- he would laugh with her. He would be her friend, if only she knew where to find him, because he surely would never leave her alone-</p>
<p>As quickly as the vision had begun, it ended, leaving him bereft as he sagged against the wall. </p>
<p>“Ben? What the hells was that?” Han asked in alarm, his voice rough as if he’d been trying to get through to Ben for a while- maybe he had. For all Ben knew he’d been lost in his vision for days. But one thing was absolutely certain to him now. </p>
<p>“She’s here!” He exclaimed, scrambling with sweaty palms against the metal to raise to his full height.</p>
<p>“What? Who?” </p>
<p>“The girl! She’s here- this is where she’s been- she made these!” He rapt at the metal wall covered in tick marks with his knuckles. </p>
<p>“Ben. Who are you talking about?” </p>
<p>“She-“ A ripple went through his body, and he lifted his hand to cradle his cheek. Anger rushed through his veins, and he felt that string, the invisible one he’d always felt somewhere in his mind pulled taut in a way that was entirely different than ever before. Like someone was tugging at it, clutching it like a lifeline. Before he could fully process what was happening, he was running. His father was shouting at him, surely chasing after him, but he could feel the force propelling him, pushing him faster than he’d ever moved before until he finally arrived at the outpost they’d departed from. His sense of panic was rising, and he slowed down and took a deep breath, trying to remember what his mother and uncle had told him about the force. In and out, and in and out, he breathed deeply, trying to find the exact place where she was. She needed him. He could feel it. He didn’t open his eyes as he followed the tug of the string, letting it guide him blindly. </p>
<p>He only opened his eyes when he heard the sick sound of a fist connecting with skin. He’d been caught up in the background of enough of his father’s fights to recognize the sound well. He let out a roar, louder and more fierce than he’d known he could make, and he lifted a hand, ready to fling the giant Crolute across the sand with a flick of his fingers. He hesitated briefly, wondering if the voices were right about him- because he would’ve delighted in hearing the crolutes bones snap.</p>
<p>“Get away from her!” He warned. He could hear her sniffling, doing her best not to cry, but he couldn’t see her, couldn’t see anything past the hulking blob that turned to look at him with a sneer. </p>
<p>“Mind your own business, boy, or you’ll end up in the same state!” The monster spat, and he heard the tiniest noise of indignation followed by a little cry as the toe of the crolute’s boot found purchase in the tiny body. </p>
<p>“I said to leave her alone!” He absolutely roared. The force rushed through his veins like an old friend eager to come to his aid in his moment of crisis. Oh, maybe it was wrong, but he couldn’t help but relish the look of shock on the vile creatures face as his limbs were rendered immobile. </p>
<p>“What is this?” He stammered as he was brought to his knees. The force came to him so easily, it was difficult to remember why he tried not to use it. Somewhere in the back of his mind the voices murmured with pleased tones. How easy it would be to exert just a bit more of the force, hardly any more effort on his part, to wind it around the monsters throat and stop the source of his angel’s suffering. </p>
<p>“It’s Y-you?” His eyes broke away from the object of his dilemma, finally seeing the little face of the girl he’d seen so many times in his dreams. She was just a little thing- she couldn’t be more than six standard years, but he’d guess she was younger than that. Beneath bruises that were already forming on her face and the blood that dribbled inelegantly from her nose, he could see a face sunken with dehydration and hollow with hunger. His rage returned full force, and in that instant he knew he would kill for her just as surely as he was willing to die for her- and then she pushed herself up out of the sand and took a wobbly step towards him. “I know you.” In a split second decision, he merely flicked his wrist and the creature he’d been holding went flying backwards, hitting hard against an erected metal wall. He looked back at her again, his little Angel, and waited for her to run, for her gaze to change from one of surprise to one of fear and disgust- but she merely stared at him with eyes full of amazement. She looked at him like no one had ever looked at him. </p>
<p>“I...Ben. I’m Ben. Solo. Ben Solo.” He managed, speaking around a lump that had formed in his throat. He took a step forward, and it was almost as if he had no control of his legs, as if the very force was moving him now. She smiled a wobbly smile, and wiped the blood from under her nose with the back of her arm, taking tears with it. </p>
<p>“I know you.” She said simply again, and Ben took a moment to register her core world accent, unexpected in a place like this. He wondered again where she came from, how she ended up here, alone and beaten by what he was pretty certain was her guardian. </p>
<p>“I know you too.” He agreed, nodding and taking another step. Suddenly the voices in his mind were loud and clear, overwhelmingly so- he jerked back, his hands over his ears as he fell into the sand.</p>
<p>“If you touch her you curse her- you’re meant to be alone- the people who care for Skywalkers always end up suffering. You’re meant to be alone, you’re not worthy of-“ </p>
<p>“Ben?” Her voice, saying his name for the first time, cut through the voices in his head, and from his place in the sand he found himself looking up at her now. </p>
<p>“Who are you?” He asked softly. She looked down at her feet for a moment, and he looked at them too- she technically had shoes, but they were splitting at the soles, held together by raggedy strands of cloth, and obviously too small for her feet. She glanced where her guardian lay, still breathing heavily but unmoved, and she cleared her throat.</p>
<p>“I’m Nobody.” She said quietly, and as she turned to walk away from him all curled in on herself, he flung himself forward in the sand and just barely managed to catch hold of her wrist. </p>
<p>The entire galaxy stood still. </p>
<p>The center of everything shifted around him until the girl was all he could see. The place in his brain that had felt like a spark plug searching for its tether hummed in delight, and the force around him seemed to be shimmering. </p>
<p>“But not to me.” He breathed. He rose from the sand with ease, and lifted her up. She weight next to nothing as she wrapped trembling arms around him, holding him with more strength than he’d thought she possessed. He held her just as fast, the only thought in his mind was that he had to protect her. He had to get her away from here, away from the things that would hurt her, away from this place. He cleared his throat, uncomfortable with the sudden swell of emotions. “What do I call you?”</p>
<p>“Rey.” She whispered it into his shoulder so it was almost impossible to hear. “Just Rey.” </p>
<p>“Benjamin Bail Organa Solo! I told you to- who- what- care to explain yourself son?” Han panted, his face slick with sweat after chasing his son through the desert. He mopped his brow with his sleeve as he took in the sight in front of him a second time, to be sure his eyes weren’t playing tricks on him. His eyes lingered briefly on the large blob like creature that stirred a bit but seemed too winded to move, and then his eyes flickered to Ben, who stood with his lanky arms wrapped protectively around the frame of a younger child. His eyes fell upon the girl last, and he felt anger rise in him as he realized what must have happened. “Did he do this to her?”</p>
<p>“Yes. But he won’t hurt her anymore.” Ben insisted.</p>
<p>“Come on- the least we can do is get her cleaned up and get her something to eat before we go.” Han offered. She perked up at the mention of food, and she met Han’s eyes through his goggles, staring curiously at him with eyes that seemed too worldly for her age and her size. </p>
<p>“Go? No- she’s coming with us.” Ben said firmly, as if the idea that they’d leave her behind had never entered his mind. </p>
<p>“Ben…” Han sighed. “We can’t go taking in every poor kid we come across- I wish we could but we just can’t-“</p>
<p>“She isn’t just some poor kid, dad. She’s Rey. And she stays with me.” Ben spoke with an ancient sort of authority that Han might have found frustrating coming from his son if he weren’t so damn impressed by the moxie he was showing. </p>
<p>“The boy...is a sorcerer!” The crolute said as he pushed himself up from the sand. “Black magic- we don’t let that stand here! Come here you little freak!” He took a step forward, reaching for a com on his belt. Han grabbed his blaster and aimed it at his bloated head. </p>
<p>“It’s not magic, it’s the force you bantha’s ass!” Han shouted. “And if you even try to lay a hand on him, you’re dead.” </p>
<p>“You can’t kill me! What’ll all these scavengers do for food if old Plutt isn’t around?” He wheezed out a laugh. </p>
<p>“I’m sure a new republic aid system could be arranged. They’re working a list of planets that still need aid after the war.” Han sniffed. “And I happen to have an in with Leia Organa.” It seemed that even here in the middle of nowhere, Leia’s reputation preceded her. The blob of a being- Plutt- let out a displeased grunt, and turned his attention sharply back to Ben and Rey.</p>
<p>“The girl. She belongs to me. I paid for her, she’s mine.” Plutt growled, and Ben tightened his grip on her at the same time as she tightened her grip on him. </p>
<p>“It’s okay, Rey. I won’t leave without you.” Ben whispered, and she just nodded against his shoulder and held onto him tighter. He would end up with bruises where her little hands had gripped his boney shoulders, but he didn’t mind.</p>
<p>“The hells you won’t! She’s my best little scavenger, always getting the best hauls and going where others won’t fit- you can’t just steal her!” Plutt was indignant, his hand reaching for his comm again, surely ready to summon his thugs. “I’ll give yous all one chance to put her down and leave, no trouble from me.” </p>
<p>“He’s lying.” Ben hissed through his teeth, and Han didn’t need the force to see it. </p>
<p>“Ben.” Han said seriously, and he looked intently at his son for a moment. </p>
<p>“Hand her over, boy! Don’t you know what stealing is?” Plutt scoffed. “You’ve got exactly three seconds a’fore I call for backup and you wish you’d never set foot on this planet!” </p>
<p>“You know...it’s funny,” Han laughed, “that you actually think you’ve got the upper hand here.” He didn’t wait for a reaction as he shot the com link clean out of Plutt’s fingers, and the heat of the blast burned the chubby hand that held it as he cried out in rage and surprise. “Ben now!” Instinctively Ben reached a hand out, while holding Rey firmly with the other, and sent Plutt flying back against the metal wall again, harder than before, but not hard enough to kill. “Ben, the Falcon, now!”</p>
<p>“I’m not leaving her!” He insisted. </p>
<p>“Ben.” Han sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Fine- fine! Go!” Ben started running, towards the Falcon and Han hung back a moment, just to be sure no one was after them. </p>
<p>“She belongs to me!” Plutt huffed breathlessly as he cradled his burnt hand and tried to rise from the sand. </p>
<p>“Stop talking about that kid like she’s property! She’s a living being!” Han sneered. “If you try anything, if you do anything to try to stop us from leaving, not only will I shoot you, I’ll have my Wookie companion come out, and he’ll do something far worse. Do you understand?” </p>
<p>“You can’t threaten-“ </p>
<p>“Do you understand?” Han asked again. Plutt nodded slowly. </p>
<p>“Good riddance to her then. You Should know she’s cursed. That’s what her parents told me when they sold her to me. Sees things that ain’t there, hears voices where there’s none.” Plutt spat in the dirt. “Would’ve lost her to the pleasure tent before long anyhow. Girls ain’t good for anything else on this planet once they get their tits.” Han knew he didn’t have to shoot him to get away. But if his finger slipped and a bolt shot through Plutt’s leg as Han was running towards the Falcon, well, that was a damn shame, wasn’t it?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"“It’s quiet, now. Since I found her.” Ben admitted. He glanced at his father who looked a bit lost. He tapped his head for emphasis, and Han got wide eyes and knelt down next to him. He put a hand on both of his son’s cheeks, and looked into his eyes. </p>
<p>“You don’t...you mean you don’t hear anything? Or- anyone else?” Han asked, his voice thick. Not once since Ben had been a toddler had a day gone by without mention of the voices that plagued him- the bad dreams that Han had always suspected had to be something- someone- with a vendetta against their family, though he, without force sensitivity, had no way of really knowing. </p>
<p>“No. Nothing. Not unless I’m trying to hear her.” Ben said, blinking again and seeing a flash of her dreams. She was looking up at uncle Chewie, fearful for a moment, but brave enough to approach him, and jubilant when he lifted her up onto his shoulders. </p>
<p>“You’re sure?” Han asked again. </p>
<p>“It’s quiet. It’s nice.” "</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, this was supposed to be a few smaller chapters, but then I thought, PUT ALL THE THINGS IN ONE AND PUBLISH NOW, so that's what's happened! I hope you do enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He set her on her feet once they’d made it safely to the Falcon. She grabbed his hand immediately, and he wrapped his larger fingers around hers protectively  as he glanced anxiously back for his father. He noticed her hands were shaking, so he guided her over to sit at the edge of the sabacc table so that her legs dangled from the edge of the curved bench. He knelt in front of her, keeping half of his attention on the door, waiting for his father, but he was so in tune with the girl- with Rey’s- emotions it was insane. It felt impossible.</p>
<p>But then again, the force itself often seemed impossible.</p>
<p>“It’s going to be okay.” He offered softly. She nodded as she bit her lip. “Did you- do you want to stay on Jakku?” </p>
<p>“No!” She gasped, her teary eyes growing wide as Her lower lip wobbled a bit.“Please don’t leave me alone again. Please.” </p>
<p>“I won’t. I promise.” He assured her. She let out a trembling breath, and threw her arms around his boney shoulders. “We should get you some bacta gel for your face. It’ll make you feel better. And some food and water.” </p>
<p>“I...I can’t pay you.” She said in a tiny voice. “Plutt says nothing comes for free.” </p>
<p>“I want you to forget about Plutt. He didn’t know what he was talking about.” Ben huffed. “How old are you?” </p>
<p>“Dunno.” She shrugged, playing with her fingers. “Plutt said probably five, but he didn’t ask when he bought me. He said whatever he could to shut me up.” </p>
<p>“And your parents?” He asked. She looked at her fingers for a moment longer, and bit down on a quivering lower lip.</p>
<p>“They said they’d come back for me.” Rey whispered. “Said they’d come back, just wait and do whatever Plutt said, and don’t be any trouble. But I think they just said whatever they had to to make me stay.”</p>
<p>“You were counting. On the at-at.” </p>
<p>“One every day since I first went out scavenging.” She nodded. “At first I was with one of the older scavengers- they’d send me in whatever spaces they couldn’t fit, but I was scavenging on my own now.” The sound of footsteps on the ramp had Ben standing defensively in front of her, his hands outstretched and ready. </p>
<p>“Chewie!” Han called. Ben relaxed marginally, his shoulders sagging with the relief of his father’s return. “Those repairs made?” Han ran through the open area to the cockpit. Rey watched him curiously, then looked back at Ben. “Ben, shut the ramp!” Ben ran back to the ramp and hit the button. “Hold on kids, we’re about to take off!” He made it back to Rey just as the ship rose into the air, and he slid in next to her at the table. </p>
<p>“Where are we going?” Rey asked.</p>
<p>“We’re supposed to be headed back to Chandrila.” Ben explained. “My home planet. You’ll stay there with me.” </p>
<p>“Promise?” She asked quietly, hopefully. </p>
<p>“I promise.” He nodded solemnly. She reached for his hand again, and he gave it to her without a thought. Funny- he’d never been comfortable being close to other beings, but with the voices in his mind quieted, and Rey at his side, he felt peace. “Once we get into hyperspace I’ll get you some bacta and some food. And water- actually, here.” He grabbed his cantine from where it was slung over his shoulder and uncapped it. She took it in both hands and took a small sip before extending it back to him. “No, it’s okay. You can have as much as you like.” Her eyes went wide, and she tilted the cantine back to her lips, taking several long, deep drinks from the cool metal before she handed it back to him. </p>
<p>“It’s so clean- and cold!” She marveled, licking her lips to avoid letting a single droplet of water go to waste. “I’ve never had water like that.” </p>
<p>“Well, you’ll have plenty now.” He promised, his chest feeling tight again. “Oh- I should tell you about my uncle before you meet him so you don’t get startled. He’s a Wookie.” </p>
<p>“A Wookie?!” She asked excitedly. “I’ve never seen a Wookie in real life!” </p>
<p>“Wookies can be frightening to some humans, they’re so big and shyriiwook just sounds like roaring to someone who can’t speak it, but he’s the best uncle in the galaxy.” Ben explained.</p>
<p>“I...I think I know it.” Rey said, sounding surprised. </p>
<p>“You know shyriiwook?” Ben asked, using the gentle growling language as he spoke. </p>
<p>“I do!” She responded back, her high, youthful voice still sweet even as she grumbled out the words. “I didn’t know I knew- but I did! I do!” </p>
<p>“That’s wonderful!” Ben laughed. Later he would question why, or how, but for now, he was so delighted by her delight. When was the last time he’d been able to feel something as simple as joy for more than a few fleeting moments  without the voices tearing it apart? He couldn’t even remember. “You must be very clever for your age, huh kid?”</p>
<p>“Don’t call me kid.” She wrinkled her nose. “You're only a kid too.” </p>
<p>“A bigger kid.” He pointed out. </p>
<p>“Still a kid.” She smiled down at her hands, a quiet sort of smile that brought to mind flashes of her from his dreams, when she was grown and so, so beautiful. Though he knew that this child- Rey- that Rey was the woman from his dreams, he could hardly reconcile the two images in his mind. She turned to look at him suddenly, with a gaze so intense it made his head spin.  “Why have I seen you before? In my mind?” </p>
<p>“What?” </p>
<p>“I never see people I don’t know in my mind, except for you.” She tilted her head to one side. “But I do know you, don’t I?” </p>
<p>“I...I think we must know each other, somehow.” Ben mused. He’d read some of the jedi texts but he’d never come across anything like this. Granted, there was still so much he hadn’t read, so much he didn’t know. </p>
<p>“I bet I know why.” She whispered, her cheeks tinged pink. </p>
<p>“Do you?” He asked genuinely. She nodded and looked at her hands again. “Why?”</p>
<p>“I can’t tell you.” She covered her face with her hands. </p>
<p>“Why not?” </p>
<p>“You’ll think I’m crazy- everyone always thinks I’m crazy because I see things that haven’t happened, or things that aren’t real, and then they beat me-“</p>
<p>“I don’t think you’re crazy!” He interrupted. He gently wrapped his hands around her wrists- they were too tiny, thin, and frail in his hands- and pried her hands away from her face.</p>
<p>“You don’t?” She asked, her voice full of hope. </p>
<p>“I don’t. And no one is ever going to beat you again.” He growled. </p>
<p>“Plutt always said I was cursed. That’s why my parents didn’t want me.” </p>
<p>“You aren’t cursed.” </p>
<p>“I’m not?”</p>
<p>“No. Rey, you have the force.” If you had asked him only hours ago if the force was a curse, he might have said that it was- the force was the reason the voices were in his head, the reason people eyed him so warily. But the force had also led him to her, had let him protect her against a being more than twice his size. And she had the force- it burned in her Like a beacon, brighter than the twin suns on Tatooine- and something that was part of her could never be a curse. </p>
<p>“The force?” Rey blinked at him. </p>
<p>“Yes, the force.” He confirmed. “I have it too. See?” He grabbed his cantine and levitated it easily above his palm, rotating in the air a time or two for good measure as she watched in awe. “Have you ever done anything like that?” She shook her head. “Well… would you like to try?”</p>
<p>“The force isn’t real though. It’s just in stories.” She said the words like they’d been drilled into her mind time and time again. “But you are real. And you have the force.” </p>
<p>“I do.” He set the cantine back on the table. She stared at it for a moment before she lifted her hand. It gave the smallest wobble, just a flicker of movement, really, but her eyes grew wide and bright. “And so do you.”</p>
<p>“How did you lift it? How did you do that?” She asked eagerly, grabbing onto his arm. </p>
<p>“I’ll teach you everything I know, Rey. I promise. But first things first, you need bacta, and you need food.” He insisted. He could feel that the ship had shifted into the smoothness of hyperspace, so he took her hand and led her towards the galley. “We don’t have a lot of food here. But we do have some shura. My mom always insists on fresh fruit when we travel.” He grabbed one of the ripe fruits from the metal cupboard. Her eyes were wide as she took in the sight of it, and he smiled softly as he handed her the entire thing. </p>
<p>“How do you eat it?” She asked timidly. He grabbed a second one from the cupboard, and took a large bite. She followed suit, and she made a soft humming noise. Juice dribbled on her face as she tore into the fruit, and he smiled contentedly as he continued to eat his own shura. “It’s so good!” </p>
<p>“It’s from my grandmother's home world.” He explained. “Mom always has them around.” </p>
<p>“It’s the best thing I’ve ever tasted!” She beamed though her mouth was full. His mother would be appalled by her lack of manners- but then, Ben had seen his father eating potato sticks every bit as messily as this, and his mother had long since given up trying to correct his fathers eating habits if they didn’t have company. </p>
<p>“It’s one of my favorites too.” He smiled. “I wish I had something more substantial to give you. We’re at the end of a journey, and uncle Chewie eats like...well, he eats like a Wookie, I guess. When we get to Chandrila I’ll get you something warm to eat.” </p>
<p>“This is plenty.” She assured him. “I only get a quarter portion a day- it’s about the same size.” He felt that red, hot rage curling inside him again as he glanced over her boney limbs and gaunt face that was swelling with bruises. Maybe he should’ve killed the monster that kept her. Maybe he’d deserved it. </p>
<p>“People shouldn’t live like that.” He snapped, and winced when she started at his harsh tone. He exhaled, and closed his eyes for a moment. Would she look at him with fear now, like everyone else? He hardly knew her- the thought shouldn’t have hurt, but it did. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I’m only mad that someone treated you like that. No one should live like that. I...I promise you won’t have to live that way ever again.” He heard her tiny intake of breath, and then suddenly her arms were around his middle. He opened his eyes, and looked down at the top of her head. </p>
<p>“You felt like you needed this.” She breathed against his shirt, answering a question he hadn’t formed out loud. He could feel her sticky hands even through his shirt, but he didn’t dare complain- maybe he had needed this. To be accepted. To have someone come closer when everyone else would turn away from him. To have a friend. His too large hand landed on her head, gently smoothing her hair. He managed to keep from grimacing at the feel of sand running through the tangles that she’d twisted into three buns on the back of her head. </p>
<p>“We should get you cleaned up.” He offered. “There’s not a real shower here, just a sonic, but it works well enough. You ever used one?” </p>
<p>“Once. An older boy pushed me into the waste pool- I smelled so bad, Plutt made me use the sonic in his dwelling so he wouldn’t have to smell me when I brought him scrap.” She explained. </p>
<p>“Well, it’s a pretty basic sonic, but it’ll get all the sand off at least. I don’t know about clothes.” He frowned. “Mine would all be too big for you, but there is a washing station for clothes in the captains quarters. Dad said my uncle Lando installed it when it was his ship. Maybe you can wear one of my shirts while We wash your clothes.” </p>
<p>“Okay.” She shrugged, backing out of the hug and nibbling down to the very core of her fruit, far past the point he’d ever seen someone eat any fruit before. “I’m not picky.” </p>
<p>“Let’s apply some bacta cream, and then-“ </p>
<p>“Little cub? What’s all this I hear about a girl?” Chewie asked as he comes into the kitchen. The space is nearly too short for him to stand comfortably at his full height, and Rey gasped as she turned to see him towering over them. She took a step back, bumping into Ben, who put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Her gaze swept from hairy feet all the way up to his face. “Ah. So it is a girl cub.” </p>
<p>“Why is he calling me a cub?” She whisper hissed to Ben, who bit his lip to keep from laughing. </p>
<p>“She understands Shriyywook? Must be alright then.” Chewie announced, his eyes glittering with mirth. </p>
<p>“He calls all children Cubs.” Ben patted her shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting way. “It’s what the wookies call their young, that’s all.” </p>
<p>“Oh.” She shrugged, and looked back at the formidable creature again, this time with more curiosity than apprehension. “Hello- I’m Rey.” </p>
<p>“Chewbacca.” He greeted happily, patting her head with a happy hum. “Little cub, your father wants to speak.” </p>
<p>“Can he wait? She needs some bacta for her face. And a shower.” </p>
<p>“I can help her with bacta. Maker knows I know where the first aid is on this ship. I can show her where to find the sonic too. Go on.” Chewie said gently.</p>
<p>“Will you be okay?” He asked, looking down at Rey with concern in his eyes. Rey looked between him and Chewie once or twice, then smiled up at him. Even bruised and battered as her face was, her smile was the most radiant thing he’d ever seen. He wanted to give her reasons to smile every single day for the rest of her lifetime. </p>
<p>“I’ll be okay.” She nodded. “You...you will come back to me?” </p>
<p>“We’re in the middle of space, Rey. Couldn’t leave if I wanted to.” He smirked, and she turned pink. </p>
<p>“Oh. Right.” </p>
<p>“But I wouldn’t. Want to.” He added, and she smiled at him again. </p>
<p>“Come on then littlest cub. Let’s get you fixed up.” Chewie reached out his furry hands, and in a fluid move hoisted her up onto his shoulders. He had to bend his knees quite low to make sure she didn’t hit her head on the low galley ceiling, but her gasp of fear quickly turned into a giggle of delight as she gripped his head for balance. Ben could remember riding on Uncle Chewie’s shoulders like that when he was small, how it felt like he was the tallest being in the galaxy, and nothing could harm him when he was up so high. He was too big for that now, though Uncle still did indulge him with the occasional piggyback ride. </p>
<p>“But she needs some clothes- and to put the others in the wash-“</p>
<p>“Little cub, who do you think helped take care of you all your life?” Chewie asked with his barking sort of chuckle. </p>
<p>“Right.” Ben nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. </p>
<p>“Your father is not angry, little cub. Just wants to speak.” Chewie assured him. Ben nodded apprehensively, and shared one more look with Rey before he walked past them towards the cockpit. </p>
<p>“Dad?” He asked quietly. Han glanced over his shoulder and casually waved Ben forward. He slumped into the copilots seat at his father’s side, and they both stared into the blur of hyperspace. </p>
<p>“What was that stunt back there kid?” Han asked, not looking at him. </p>
<p>“What stunt?” Ben asked, maybe a bit too innocently. </p>
<p>“Damn, you really are my son, aren’t you?” Han chuckled. “Rushing in blind to save some strange girl. That’s how I met your mom. Granted there was money involved at first, but by the end, I mostly stuck around for her.” </p>
<p>“She’s not a strange girl. She’s Rey.” Ben said defensively. </p>
<p>“She’s Rey. Should I know what that means?” </p>
<p>“You wouldn’t understand. It’s force mumbo jumbo. You’ll think it’s stupid.” Ben grumbled, crossing his arms and looking back out onto the streaks of stars and black night sky racing past them. </p>
<p>“Well I sure as hell won’t understand if you won’t even try to explain it, Ben.” Han spoke gruffly, but he turned in his seat to look at his son. “Can you please explain why you risked your life to save this kid?” </p>
<p>“Rey.” Ben insisted. </p>
<p>“Rey. To save Rey?” </p>
<p>“You’re going to think It’s weird. You’re going to want to take me to Uncle Luke’s academy more than before.” Ben huffed, traitorous tears blooming in the corners of his eyes. “So you won’t have to deal with me anymore.” </p>
<p>“Ben. That’s not what I want.” Han admitted, his fingers thrumming against the arm of his seat. “I want what’s best for you. And if your uncle can help you better than I can-“</p>
<p>“I don’t want to go.” He’s said as much before, and it always devolved into the same conversation.</p>
<p>“Ben. You need training. I may not know much about the force, but I do know that with training you’ll be able to keep your head clear-“</p>
<p>“I want to stay with you and mom, and uncle Chewie, and Rey.” Ben said stubbornly.</p>
<p>“Now hold on a second, kid, where does Rey fit into this equation?” Han asked. “Rey can’t stay with us-“</p>
<p>“But why couldn’t she?” Ben countered. </p>
<p>“Ben, your mother and I can’t adopt every orphan kid we come across.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t ask you to adopt her. And she’s not just- she’s- how do I make you understand?!” Ben growled, burying his fists in his hair. “She has to stay with me. I have to stay with her! She needs me!” </p>
<p>“Why, Ben? You don’t know her!” </p>
<p>“But I do!” He insisted. “She...I’ve seen her before. So many times. In dreams that weren’t just dreams- I know her. And she knows me.” </p>
<p>“Dreams that weren’t just dreams?” Han asked warily- there was mistrust in his eyes, and Ben swallowed thickly and tried to remind himself that anyone without the force would be apprehensive. It was a natural reaction- after all, They were his own dreams, the force flowed through him like his blood, and he didn’t understand it himself. He shouldn’t take it personally- his father didn’t mistrust him, he just couldn’t understand. It sounded much more believable without the voices telling him he was wrong. </p>
<p>“I guess Uncle Luke would probably call them visions.” Ben sighed. </p>
<p>“Visions?” Han repeated. “If you’ve been having “visions” why haven’t you told anyone?” </p>
<p>“Because you put air quotations around the word visions like you don’t believe they exist!” Ben fumed. “And mom is always at the senate- and if I try to ask Uncle Luke anything about the force, he always just tells me I need to come to him for training and I don’t want that!”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry- Ben, I’m sorry. I’m trying to understand, I really am.” Han sighed heavily, running his hand over the back of his neck. “So you’ve had...visions of this- of Rey?”</p>
<p>“Yes. I think I’ve always been supposed to find her.  Just didn’t know where she was.” </p>
<p>“And she just..happened to be on Jakku?” </p>
<p>“She was.” </p>
<p>“Well that was...convenient.” </p>
<p>“That at-at, those ticks on the wall, they were hers. She was counting the days she’s been alone.” Ben spoke in a rush. “And those aren’t even all of them- at least when you and mom are gone you leave me with three-p-o or uncle Chewie or something, but dad, she’s alone. Her parents sold her for drinking money. She doesn’t have anybody else. Anyone but me.” </p>
<p>“And you’re sure, you’re absolutely positive this is the girl from your...visions?”</p>
<p>“I’m sure.” </p>
<p>“Well, kid...we’ll have to talk to your mother about this. I don’t know how she would feel about-“</p>
<p>“I won’t stay if Rey can’t stay with me.” </p>
<p>“What?!”</p>
<p>“Wherever you send Rey, I’m going with her.” Ben clarified. “She needs me, more than anyone else needs me.” And he had a strong suspicion if he were separated from her for long, he’d miss her, like a physical ache in his chest or his stomach. She was a part of him now, a missing piece. Her smiles were already his favorite sight, and he couldn’t wait to introduce her to every fruit he could name, and show her how to manipulate the force around her. He’d show her how to climb the trees that grew on the grounds of his parents house, maybe show her how to swim in the lake where he’d learned himself. And he could indulge her if what she wanted was to play some of the games he himself hadn’t played in years, because he just didn’t fit in with the other children. They’d always said it wasn’t fair if he joined their games or their races- the force could make him unnaturally fast, unnaturally strong, they’d even heard he could read minds if he tried- and eventually he’d given up trying, but he’d race her if she wanted- race her and make sure she beat him every single time if that would make her smile. </p>
<p>“You’re really serious, aren’t you kid?” Han asked. </p>
<p>“Yes.” </p>
<p>“Well. We’ll have to talk to your mother about it.” Han sighed. “If she’s force sensitive-“</p>
<p>“No.” Ben said firmly. “She’s not going there. She doesn’t need more isolation.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“You were about to say we could send her to uncle Luke. He’s not what she needs.” </p>
<p>“Are you what she needs, Ben? You’re only twelve, you can’t raise her.” </p>
<p>“I don’t want to raise her. I’m going to be her friend, not her parent.” </p>
<p>“You don’t think a kid needs parents?” </p>
<p>“Well, I’m a kid. And you’d send me to uncle Luke. Don't I need parents?” Ben asked, and Han just blinked at him in shock. “I gotta go check on Rey.” </p>
<p>“Ben-“</p>
<p>“Dad.” </p>
<p>“Okay. Okay. I’ll...I’ll come check on you in a bit.” Han sighed wearily, scrubbing his hands over his face. All Ben had to do to find Rey was follow the sound of her delighted laughter through the Falcon, until he found her being spun through the air by his uncle while he hummed deep in his chest. She was clean, though her hair was a tangled mess around her shoulders, and his shirt hung baggy off her small frame. </p>
<p>“Ben!” She cried in delight as he entered the captains quarters. She wiggled in Chewie’s arms, and he set her on her feet so she could scurry over to him and wrap him in another hug. “I missed you!” </p>
<p>“I was only gone a few minutes.” He chuckled. “Take a seat, I’m going to do something about your hair.” </p>
<p>“What’s wrong with my hair?” She asked timidly, coiling her tiny fingers in the tangled strands. </p>
<p>“Nothing. I’m sure your hair is very nice- it’s just matted and knotted. I’m going to use some of my mothers hair stuff on you, To try and straighten it out.” He explained as he went to the fresher and pulled a mister of water and an elegant gold handled brush from the drawers. He returned to find Rey on the edge of the bed, nervously picking at her tangles with her fingers. “You ready?” </p>
<p>“Are we gonna have to cut it off?” She asked, biting her lips. </p>
<p>“No, but it’s probably going to take some time to get all of the tangles out.” He sat behind her. “Just going to mist your hair a bit. Makes it easier to untangle.” </p>
<p>“You have hair like i've never seen before. It’s so thick and dark, and shiny.” She said as the droplets of water landed in her hair. “I’ve never seen a person as tall as you or your dad, either. But there aren’t so many humans on Jakku I guess.” She hissed as his brush stuck. </p>
<p>“Sorry. This might hurt a little bit.” He said guiltily. </p>
<p>“It’s okay. I don’t mind.” She shrugged. Chewie watched the scene with a bemused look before he vanished through the door way. “I like your uncle.”</p>
<p>“Me too.” Ben smiled. “Hes the tallest being I’ve ever encountered. Never hurts to have a Wookie around when things get dicey.” </p>
<p>“What does that mean?”</p>
<p>“I’m not totally sure. Something my dad says.” One of the largest clumps of hair was starting to loosen. He wished for a moment that his mother was with him, because she was excellent with hair, and could probably have this done in half the time it took him- but she rarely had time for even the more important things in his life, so brushing out Rey’s hair probably wasn’t what she’d consider a priority. “There’s still some sand caught in your hair, from inside the tangles. You might have to hop in the sonic again when we’re done.” </p>
<p>“I’m sorry I’m so much trouble.” She said quietly. His fingers tightened around the handle of the brush, and he forced himself to take a steadying breath. </p>
<p>“You’re not any trouble. Not for me. You could never be trouble for me.” He vowed. </p>
<p>“How did you know where to find me?” She asked.</p>
<p>“The force, or instincts, whatever you want to call it. I felt something like anguish, or pain through the force, and I was so afraid that you were hurt.You've been in my dreams for such a long time now, and I always thought you had to be real, I just didn’t know where I’d find you; and for a moment I thought I’d lost you before I even really found you.” For some reason, it felt easier to confess these things while he was doing something so mundane with his hands. It felt easier to explain these things to her than it had been to explain them to his own father. He didn’t even question if she could really understand him or not, because he could feel that she did. </p>
<p>“I told someone about you. From my dreams. I said that you were real, you were with me all the time, and they thought I was crazy.” Rey’s voice sounded tired, and far older than her years. Her fingers picked restlessly at the dark blue shirt that hung around her legs. “Some of them said they were trying to beat the devils out of me.”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Ben rasped, finally getting the brush through the first massive knot. “I’m sorry I caused you so much pain.” </p>
<p>“You wouldn’t hurt me.” She said quickly. “You came to save me. You’d never hurt me. Unless you were untangling my hair.” </p>
<p>“Sorry!”</p>
<p>“I was only joking. I’m really okay.” She promised. He brushed through her hair in silence for several minutes, thankful he’d liked to help his mother brush out her copious amounts of hair when he was younger, and that he was relatively sure he remembered how to braid. He thought he might even remember some of the more complex braiding patterns he’d begged his mother to teach him when he was seven or so, much to his father’s chagrin. </p>
<p>“Do you...want to hear a story?” He asked suddenly. He wasn’t quite sure where the suggestion had come from, but he could feel how she thrummed with excitement at the suggestion. </p>
<p>“Really?” </p>
<p>“Yes- I mean, If you’d like to hear a story, I can tell you one- I’m not very good at it, but I do know some.” He muttered.</p>
<p>“There was an old woman on Jakku who used to tell us stories. She was too old to scavenge anymore, but Plutt gave her a quarter portion a day to look after his smallest scavengers. That’s what he always called us, his smallest scavengers.” Rey said quickly. Ben knew that they must have been a small band of children like Rey, abandoned or sold by their parents for one reason or another. Maybe some orphans. But all of them were enslaved, without a family, without anyone to speak up for them. His father may have been bluffing when he said he’d get the republic to intervene on Jakku, but Ben would do everything he could to convince his mother she had to. “We called her Bomma, but I don’t know if that was her real name or not. Very, very old, maybe even ancient. Her skin was all wrinkled and leathery, and she had almost no hair or teeth left, but she was always so kind. And she would tell us stories and sing us songs sometimes, when she wasn’t too tired.” </p>
<p>“What happened to her?” </p>
<p>“She died, probably only a few standard months ago. I’ve made dozens of ticks on the wall since then. She died one night and they took her out to the sand pit.” She had wrapped her arms around her knees like she was hugging herself. “She used to tell us stories about the force. She never hit me for saying I could see you.” </p>
<p>“I’m sorry you lost her.” </p>
<p>“I used to have nightmares that I’d be her someday.” She confessed in a small, frightened voice. “My hair was white and thin and still in three buns- there were tickmarks on every surface of that walker, and my hands were ancient and gnarled. But sometimes you’d come into those dreams too, and you’d still take my hand, even though it was wrinkled and leathery.” </p>
<p>“You don’t have to be alone ever again. I won’t let you be alone.” He promised fervently. “We’re going to look after eachother now, you and I. And we’ll have my uncle Chewie, and my parents- they’re not always around, but they...I think they try as hard as they can. I think they do the best they can. I know I’m not the son they wanted.” </p>
<p>“How could anyone not want you?” Rey asked, looking over her shoulder at him. He just shrugged, and shook his head, misty eyed. Just past Ben’s head, she caught the shape of his father retreating from the open doorway of the bedroom. </p>
<p>“Face front, little scavenger.” He teased lightly, and she giggled as she followed his instruction and rested her chin on her knees. Even with her above average wit, she couldn’t possibly comprehend how anyone could think anything but the best of her Ben. He was everything she’d dreamed he’d be, and more than that besides. She saw in him a reflection of herself- he was lonely too. He was searching for belonging every bit as much as she was. </p>
<p>But she’d found belonging the second he touched her hand. </p>
<p>He would be her family now. </p>
<p>And she would be his. </p>
<p>They’d never be alone again. </p>
<p>It took well over a standard hour to untangle all of her hair, and then she hopped into the sonic shower a second time, only for them to discover her own clothing, already mostly rags, had been torn to shreds in wash. So she still sat in his shirt and a pair of his sleeping shorts, held up with a colorful scarf they’d found in his mother’s things. She ran her fingers reverently over the silky fabric and the bright array of colors, lingering on the greens and blues swirled elegantly together as he gently brushed her hair out once more before he twisted it into a braid down the back of her head. He secured it, and put a hand on her shoulder. </p>
<p>“All done.” His smile was one of satisfaction as his eyes traced over the even shape of the four stranded braid he’d woven into her hair. Her nimble little fingers came up to touch it, and when she looked over her shoulder at him she grinned. </p>
<p>“It’s the softest my hair has ever been!” She twisted on her knees to look at his face, and then reached up her other hand to run her fingers through his hair. “Your hair is the softest thing I’ve ever felt though!” She ran her fingers through it again and again, giggling in delight as it started to stick up at odd angles. He fought to keep still, to let her play with his hair to her heart's content and keep her smile on her face as long as possible. </p>
<p>“Hey, kids, I uh, I found some dehydrated potato rice in the galley, I’ve got it cooking.” Han announced, returning to the room and taking in the sight of his sullen son and the grinning little girl perched next to him, playing with his hair. He choked back a delighted laugh, and scrubbed his hand over his face. “So you’re Rey, huh? I’m Han. Ben’s dad.” </p>
<p>“Hello.” Rey sat back again, looking at Han with narrowed eyes, as if she were searching for something. He cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest. </p>
<p>“How old are you kid?” Han asked. </p>
<p>“Probably five standard years. Maybe six.” She shrugged. </p>
<p>“Probably five, maybe six, huh?” Han nodded. “We can have the medical droids back on Chandrila do a full scan and blood work and see what their estimate is.”</p>
<p>“Okay.” She shrugged again, and her eyes flitted quickly back and forth between father and son. “You look like Ben. But your hair isn’t as nice.” This time Han let out a loud guffaw. </p>
<p>“I see why Chewie likes you, kid.” Han grinned. “Ben, I thought we could give your mother a holo call when we stopped to refuel. Tell her about what’s going on before we get home.” </p>
<p>“Yeah, okay.” Ben nodded, smiling slightly. </p>
<p>“I uh… well, I’d better go check on dinner.” Han nodded, backing out of the room again, as if he didn’t want to tear his eyes away from them. </p>
<p>“He loves you.” Rey observed when Han was finally out of sight. </p>
<p>“That’s what Chewie tells me.” Ben sighed. If Rey, little, five year old, too important to him too fast Rey were to start lecturing him about this too… </p>
<p>“He should tell you himself.” She sniffed, running her fingers over the scarf around her waist again. “Grown ups are poodoo brains.” Ben let out a guffaw of his own, his whole face lighting up- Rey felt like the glow of his smile was warmer than the sun on Jakku ever was. </p>
<p>“Yeah, sometimes they really are.” He nodded, still chuckling. </p>
<p>“I think I’m going to love you.” She confessed matter of factly. His heart felt as though it stammered in his chest, and all the air seemed to leave his lungs at once as his lips curled into a small smile. “I know I am.” </p>
<p>“And i'll love you too.” He said softly. She took his hand in her own, and she absolutely beamed as he twined his larger fingers with hers. It was funny, he’d always felt too big, too awkward, too lanky amid his peers, but he didn’t feel any of that with Rey. He was just the way he was supposed to be, his hands just the right size to hold hers and make her feel safe, and secure. </p>
<p>Part of him kept waiting for the voices to come back, to say something to ruin everything. But they were absolutely silent. </p>
<p>It was just his own thoughts and Rey’s quiet breathing, and the hum of a ship in hyperspace. </p>
<p>He almost didn’t know what to do with the amount of space that he had in his own mind for the first time in twelve years- but he’d figure it out eventually. </p>
<p>They eat a somewhat tense dinner with his father, and half way through Rey’s eyelids are drooping and she’s leaning heavily against his shoulder. He picks her up wordlessly and puts her on his own bunk. He sits beside her on the floor for what could be hours or minutes, but he can’t bring himself to look away from her. He’s surprised by how much he can feel from her while she sleeps- the pillows under her cheek, the coolness of the recycled air brushing at her still bare feet, the feel of the sheets against her palms. Even the fullness of her belly and the deep contentment she feels in slumber is evident to him. He’s so wrapped up in it all that he doesn’t notice his father at first. </p>
<p>“You should get some sleep, kid.” Han said, gently ruffling his son’s ebony hair. “She’ll be okay if you don’t sit vigil all night you know.” </p>
<p>“If I blink she might disappear.” Ben whispered, his dark eyes trained on her. She was curled up into a tiny ball, like she was trying to hold herself together- or maybe she was cold- yes, cold, he was vaguely aware of the pinpricks of goosebumps on his own arms even under his heavy sweater, even though he was used to the cold of recycled air- perhaps another thing he was picking up from the force that connected them. He rose only briefly to grab a blanket from a pile of crates across the room, and draped it over her with more gentleness than Han had thought any twelve year old boy capable of. </p>
<p>“I can sit up and watch her, Ben. I’ll make sure she doesn’t disappear.” Han promised. Ben looked at him scrutinizingly, and shook his head a little, sitting back down beside the bunk. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust his father to watch over her- but he still couldn’t quite believe she was real. What if he closed his eyes and woke up only to find the whole day had been a dream and when he woke the voices would be back and they’d be crueler than ever. It was much safer to stay awake with her. The chills had vanished from his arms, and he could see her face was more relaxed- if he closed his eyes just for a second, and focused intently on that place in his mind that always tugged him towards her, he could see glimpses of what he thought must be her dreams, all green and an ocean, flashes of a ship flying away, flashes of his own face, awkward big ears and all, but seen through a rosy tint. His face evokes a word across the force, a quiet whisper that raises gooseflesh on the back of his neck. </p>
<p>“Dyad…”</p>
<p>He’s vaguely aware of his father watching him carefully, skeptically. Everyone’s always watching him carefully- for as long as he could remember, everyone was looking at him, waiting for something. For him to do great things, he supposed, like his uncle Luke did. But sometimes he thought they were afraid of him. The voices in his head told him that they were afraid of him...but as soon as he’d touched her hand, the voices had gone silent. His head was his own for the first time he could remember- except for this little spot, this little place in his mind where he could feel it. The thread, the thing that pulled him to her, and made her cling to him when they found each other under the Jakku sun. </p>
<p>“It’s been a long day, Ben. I know how drained you can get after one of your...episodes.” Han said carefully, his mind flitting back to the morning, and the way Ben had shouted at some unseen adversary. That seemed ages ago now. Within less than a standard day everything had turned upside down, and Rey had come into Ben’s life and Han had never seen his son maintain such a calm, happy demeanor for such a long time. “You should try to get some sleep before we have to stop for fuel. You’ll be able to get a few hours. Clear your mind.” </p>
<p>“It’s quiet, now. Since I found her.” Ben admitted. He glanced at his father who looked a bit lost. He tapped his head for emphasis, and Han got wide eyes and knelt down next to him. He put a hand on both of his son’s cheeks, and looked into his eyes. </p>
<p>“You don’t...you mean you don’t hear anything? Or- anyone else?” Han asked, his voice thick. Not once since Ben had been a toddler had a day gone by without mention of the voices that plagued him- the bad dreams that Han had always suspected had to be something- someone- with a vendetta against their family, though he, without force sensitivity, had no way of really knowing. </p>
<p>“No. Nothing. Not unless I’m trying to hear her.” Ben said, blinking again and seeing a flash of her dreams. She was looking up at uncle Chewie, fearful for a moment, but brave enough to approach him, and jubilant when he lifted her up onto his shoulders. </p>
<p>“You’re sure?” Han asked again. </p>
<p>“It’s quiet. It’s nice.” Ben smiled. Han let out a trembling sort of breath, and for the first time in a long time he hugged his son tightly. Ben hugged him back, clinging to his father- no voices said to push him away- no voices said his father hated him, that he was disappointed in his son. He thought of Rey’s words earlier, her declaration that though he didn’t say it, his father loved him. He let himself believe her. And it was quiet. </p>
<p>Maker, Ben Loved the quiet.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I have slightly closed the age gap between Rey and Ben for the purposes of the story, however they still do have the age gap of seven years. <br/>Also, Yes, Rey is five, and sometimes speaks as if she's a bit older than five, but I do believe it's because of the bond with Ben, she has some of his education and vocabulary that's leaked through over the years (And since I'm the author, I suppose that's what's true)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Four</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>“<br/>Han let out a heavy, trembling sigh and tilted his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes for a moment. Had he really failed so miserably at being a father? Sure, he’d wished Ben would’ve had some different interests- Han had never really been one for books or writing, had never really had a taste for such slow, simple activities. Ben loved history, he loved art, and meticulous puzzles. Han loved flying, a game of sabacc, the thrill of a good fight. They were different, of course they were different, but he’d never once wished that Ben wasn’t his son. How could he when he’d so instantly adored the tiny baby a med droid had placed in his arms? They’d told him that Ben wasn’t actually so tiny, that at nine and a half pounds he was larger than average, but he’d still felt so small and fragile in his hands. ”</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry it’s been so long! Life has been hectic as usual- my best friend is getting married in a few months so it’s been nothing but wedding prep in all of my free time- but here’s a new chapter for you! I hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He’d stayed by Ben’s side for nearly an hour in silence, until the boy had fallen asleep still kneeling on the ground with his face resting on the cot by Rey’s hands. Han had covered his shoulders with a blanket, and gone back to the cockpit to relieve Chewie for a bit, but the Wookie had stayed in his seat, staring at him with an expression between pleased and smug. </p>
<p>“I like her.” Chewie finally said. </p>
<p>“Yeah. She’s not a bad kid.” Han nodded. </p>
<p>“Your cub likes her.” Chewie added. “He doesn’t like many beings, but he likes her.” </p>
<p>“He said that the voices in his mind are quiet now that he’s found her.” Han admitted. “He’s seen her before, in visions. Tells me he knows her.” </p>
<p>“You’ll keep her then?” </p>
<p>“I’ll talk to Leia about it.” Han shrugged, though he already knew, or at least he hoped he knew, what Leia’s reaction would be when he told her the news. If anything- anyone- could help their son, could keep the darkness from closing in on him, well, they’d take it as a blessing. They’d thought it’d be Luke who would do it- but Ben was so loathe to go to him. If the cost of keeping their family intact and their son sane and healthy was taking care of another child, then Damn it, Han would do it. And he had a gut feeling Leia would too. “She always wanted a daughter anyways. We never did get around to that. Though, Ben seemed pretty adamantly against us adopting her...But legally we can become her guardians without adopting her.” </p>
<p>“I’d adopt her. If there weren’t those interspecies adoption laws.” Chewie huffed. “She’s a good cub. Strong and bright. Speaks Shryiiwook. What more could a wookie ask?” </p>
<p>“I’d love to see you raising a little human girl.” Han chuckled. </p>
<p>“What? I could!” </p>
<p>“I don’t doubt it, Buddy.” Han held up his hands defensively. “I just...Have never seen Ben like this. So calm, and determined. He’s always acted older than his age, but this was beyond that. The way he talked about her, about how he would protect her, it was like he was some sort of ancient being.” </p>
<p>“Thought you didn’t buy into all of that “force mumbo jumbo.”” </p>
<p>“Hard not to when I’m the only one in my immediate family who’s not force sensitive. I’ve seen it in action. I don’t understand it, but- hell- Luke and Leia have some sort of weird connection through the force. Who’s to say Ben doesn’t have a connection with this girl?” Han asked. “Sure Luke and Leia are siblings, it’s a stronger basis for a bond or whatever, but from what I understand, the force works in mysterious ways. If Ben’s been having visions of Rey, then maybe he was destined to find her today. Everything just happened to line up the way it did so he would be able to find her. How’s that not the work of the force?” </p>
<p>“To be fair, we only landed on Jakku because you wait too long to replace parts.” </p>
<p>“It sounds nicer if we say it’s the will of the force.” Han huffed. </p>
<p>“Whatever you say, friend.” Chewie chuckled. “Little cub needs a friend of his own.” </p>
<p>“I just didn’t expect it to be a five year old girl from nowhere.” Han shook his head. “But they just fit together- I watched them for a while earlier when he was braiding her Damn hair, and they were both so happy. They didn’t even need to speak to each other, like they were just content to be next to each other. I’ve never seen anything like it.” </p>
<p>“Sometimes, souls just fit.” Chewie said simply before he let out a bellowing yawn. </p>
<p>“Go get some rest, Chewie. You need it. How’s your arm?” </p>
<p>“It’ll be fine in a few days. Only sore.” Chewie assured him. He slapped him lightly on the shoulder, and headed off. Han stared out into hyperspace, his fingers thrumming anxiously across his knee. He replayed Ben’s words from earlier over and over again in his mind: I know I’m not the son they wanted. </p>
<p>Han let out a heavy, trembling sigh and tilted his head back against the headrest, closing his eyes for a moment. Had he really failed so miserably at being a father? Sure, he’d wished Ben would’ve had some different interests- Han had never really been one for books or writing, had never really had a taste for such slow, simple activities. Ben loved history, he loved art, and meticulous puzzles. Han loved flying, a game of sabacc, the thrill of a good fight. They were different, of course they were different, but he’d never once wished that Ben wasn’t his son. How could he when he’d so instantly adored the tiny baby a med droid had placed in his arms? They’d told him that Ben wasn’t actually so tiny, that at nine and a half pounds he was larger than average, but he’d still felt so small and fragile in his hands. He’d loved him instantly, and not a day had gone by that he hadn’t. He might not say it out loud- he’d never been great with emotions, he just wasn’t- but the fact that Ben didn’t seem to realize how much he was loved by his parents was deeply troubling to him. But then he pondered how it would look to a child if his parents were sending them away for someone else to look after. To be someone else’s problem. No matter how sensible or sound their reasoning, it would always seem like they didn’t care enough. That he wasn’t worth the effort. </p>
<p>But His son was worth the effort. His son was worth anything and everything to him. No, he’d never wanted children, never thought he’d have any- but once Leia had been pregnant and he’d heard that heart beat during one of her scans, he’d been absolutely determined to give his kid the best life he possibly<br/>Could. </p>
<p>Maybe he had failed up to now, but his resolve was stronger than ever before. Chewie was right. Ben didn’t need to be sent away. Ben needed his family. If he needed to be trained in the ways of the force, Leia could teach him what she knew, and Luke would be able to answer any bigger questions- but if the voices stayed away, well, why couldn’t Ben live a happy, normal life? And Any other dangers, the kind that appeared physically, Han felt he could protect him from well enough.</p>
<p>He wasn’t entirely sure where Rey fit into the puzzle, but he liked the kid. She was spunky and charming in her own way, outspoken with quite a lot of personality. He wouldn’t mind having her around, and maker knew they could afford another mouth to feed. </p>
<p>They dropped out of lightspeed a bit sooner than Han had expected, but he could land without assistance if needed, and he was loathe to wake Chewie when the Wookie so obviously needed a good rest. It was a mid rim planet, filled with travelers for the most part, and he easily secured a place to land and refuel before he decided to give Leia a call. </p>
<p>“Han? Where are you? I expected you home last night!” Leia said as soon as her form became clear. Her voice was thick with worry, and even fuzzy and blue, Han could tell she was afraid. </p>
<p>“We’re alright sweetheart. Just got a little delayed.” He assured her. </p>
<p>“What did you do? Where’s Ben? Where’s my son? Is he alright?” </p>
<p>“Ben is fine, he’s just sleeping. Chewie too. I just landed to refuel.” </p>
<p>“You landed without a copilot? Han, that’s dangerous!” Leia scolded. </p>
<p>“Are you doubting my piloting your worship?” Han raised a brow at her. </p>
<p>“It’s bad enough when you take risks when you’re on your own, Han, but when you’ve also got our son with you? If something happened to either of you- or to Chewie-“</p>
<p>“We’re fine, Leia. But there is something we need to talk about.” Han said, and Leia’s eyes narrowed warily. </p>
<p>“What’s going on?” So he explained everything he could to the best of his ability, from the moment they’d landed on Jakku to the present.</p>
<p>“And Leia, He’s said that he can’t hear them any more, the voices. It’s been almost twelve hours since we found her, and he hasn’t heard anything, anyone at all. He’s even sleeping soundly right now- when I left him his face wasn’t scrunched up or anything. He’s the most relaxed I’ve ever seen him, and it’s because of her!” Han spoke quickly, his face open and hopeful. </p>
<p>“How is that possible?” Leia asked, her brow furrowing in thought. “How?”</p>
<p>“You know more about the force than I do, sweetheart.” </p>
<p>“I need to talk to Luke- I need to see what he thinks.” She ran a hand over her hair and looked back to Han. “He’s not hearing anything? You’re sure?” </p>
<p>“I’m sure, Leia. He told me himself. He let me hug him for the first time in ages-Leia, I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t know why this girl seems to be the key to stopping what or whoever is attacking our son, but she...Kriff, I hate to sound so smarmy, but I Really do think he was supposed to find her.” Han said softly, trying to speak around the lump in his throat. “We can’t separate them.” </p>
<p>“Mmm.” Leia pursed her lips as she thought. “No. I don’t suppose we can.” He let out a sigh of relief and scrubbed his hand over his face. “I do want to see what Luke’s opinion on all of this is-“</p>
<p>“He doesn’t want to go, Leia. And I don’t think we should make him. If the boy doesn’t want to be a jedi, why should we make him be a jedi? You chose not to be a jedi yourself.” Han insisted. </p>
<p>“I don’t think we should send him away, Han, especially if his head is...if he’s safe.” Leia explained. “But I know Luke has some holocrons, some jedi texts. I believe it’s certainly possible for Ben and Rey to be bonded, but I want to know if there’s been something like this before. If we can figure out a reason, or learn the nature of this thing.” </p>
<p>“Alright.” Han nodded. </p>
<p>“When Ben is older, we can let him decide if he wants more training. Same for Rey. But we won’t send them away.” Leia said with a nod that was almost to herself. “You said she’s five?”</p>
<p>“She thinks she’s five.” Han corrected. “It’s hard to say- shes small, very thin and...fragile looking? But she seems to have a healthy appetite. I don’t think it’ll be a problem getting nutrients into her.” </p>
<p>“Well, she’s going to need clothes. And a room. I’ll get the droids working on the guest room closest to Ben’s room. Maybe some play things too- and books, she’s going to need books- does she know how to read? It doesn’t matter, we’ll make sure she learns if she doesn’t already know.” Leia listed. “I’ll set up an appointment at the medical facility in the city for her so we can be sure there aren’t any underlying health issues- you should be back by tomorrow, yes?” </p>
<p>“That’s what I’m hoping.” </p>
<p>“I’ll get some clothes and come to meet you at the landing pad. No need to have her running around in Ben’s clothes. Though I’m not sure about shoe size.” </p>
<p>“She’s got her boots. They’re a bit snug looking, but they’ll do to get her to the medics and back home. Don't you have a droid that does measuring?” </p>
<p>“I do. It’ll just give her a quick scan, and then I can order her things that’ll fit right.” Leia nodded. “I’ll start on paperwork to become her legal guardians. It shouldn’t be too difficult, given the fact that she’s a freed slave. Beings who purchase other beings have no legal rights to them, so that leaves her without any guardians to speak of. Adoption procedures would be a bit more complicated, but taking on a ward is relatively simple.” </p>
<p>“I’ll let you handle the legalities. I’m no good at that shit.” Han shrugged. </p>
<p>“Good thing there’s plenty you are good at.” She grinned at him, and he swore he caught her wink. “I can’t wait for you to get home. I’ve missed you so much. I’ve missed Ben so much too- and Chewie.”</p>
<p>“I’ve missed you sweetheart.” He flashed her his crooked smile. “We’ll be home before you know it. I was going to have Ben call with me, but he’s still sleeping so soundly. I just couldn’t wake him.” </p>
<p>“I understand. It’s alright. I’ll see you both soon.” Leia smiled fondly. “I’ve got a few days before I have to get back to my meetings. We’re in a recess. I’ll be able to give all of my attention to the family.” </p>
<p>“We need to start doing more of that- and before you get snippy, please notice I said that we need to, not you. Both of us.” </p>
<p>“Does that mean no more jetting off for a few months at a time with Chewie?” Leia asked, crossing her arms. </p>
<p>“Leia, I’m not a perfect father. But I want to be better. Ben was so excited today, when we were going to go exploring in the old wrecks. Of course that all got shot to hell, but I could take him around. Show him places he’s read about. We could all go, when you’re not busy at the senate.”</p>
<p>“You sound determined.” Leia bit back a smile. </p>
<p>“I’m allowing myself to be optimistic. For once in my life. Things feel different- yesterday I was agonizing over the fact that we were both at our wits end, that we’d have to send Ben to your brother to keep him safe, and he was going to hate us for it. But now...Leia, we still have a chance to make things right with our son. To show him that we do care, that he is exactly the son we want.” </p>
<p>“I know, you’re right, Han.” Leia quickly brushed a tear from the corner of her eye. “I...I can limit the number of committees I join. And the number of task forces. I’ll never be able to fully untangle myself, but-“</p>
<p>“But if you’ll put in the effort, that’s half of the battle, sweetheart.” </p>
<p>“Alright- you go refuel so you can get your ass back in hyperspace and home to me.” She insisted, sniffling just slightly. He dutifully ignored the tear he could see on her cheek, even through the fuzzy holo projection. He knew she hated to be seen as weak, even by him,<br/>After all the years they’d spent together. The if he was there with her he’d have casually brushed the tear from her cheek as he swept her into a kiss, never letting on the fact that he knew she was crying, and she would smile gratefully at him afterwards. Kriff, he couldn’t wait to be home with her again. </p>
<p>“Copy that. I’ll see you soon princess.” He flashed her a smile. She pursed her lips for a moment, her hand hovering just over the button that would end their call. “Something to add?”</p>
<p>“And he...he really can’t hear anything?” She asked softly once more. </p>
<p>“He says it’s quiet.” Han nodded. Her exhale and nod were both tremulous. “You look like you could do with a lie down, Sweetheart. Relax. We’ll be home before you know it, and there will be no peace while we try to get everything settled.”</p>
<p>“Because things are usually so peaceful around our house.” Leia smirked. “Han, I love you.” </p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
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